Encouraging Words: What to Say, What Not to Say When Someone Has Lost a Loved One

Unfortunately, we all will be in the position of needing to comfort a friend or family member who has lost a loved one. We all worry about what to say to people who are grieving. We stumble upon wrong words or phrases, which can actually hurt the griever. Keeping quiet or avoiding the situation is not a solution. So what do we say when someone dies? Long sentences and heavy words are not necessary when offering your sympathy. A few well-chosen words will do wonders. Don’t be afraid. Your intentions are good, keep it simple. Often a gentle hug or a hand to hold is worth a thousand words.

What to Say…
I am sorry for the death of
I am sorry for your loss
I care
I love you
I know it must be a very difficult time for you
It is okay to cry
I am here to listen
I don’t know what to say but I am here for you
Is there anything you need?
If you need to talk, I am always here

What Not to Say…
I understand
Time heals all wounds
You will be okay
I know what you are going through
Look at what you have to be thankful for
They are in a better place now
Don’t compare your grief to theirs
Don’t monopolize their time; don’t over stay your welcome

Additional Thoughts…
Be there after everyone else has gone back to his or her normal life.
Be patient.
Listen to the mourner.
Offer to help make decisions.
Maintain your relationship with the mourner. Companionship is needed more now then ever.
You need to take the initiative, call the mourner.
Grocery shop.
Drop off meals.
Help with household chores.
Offer childcare.
Use the name of the deceased.
Share positive memories and stories of time spent with the deceased.

Please share with us any additional thoughts you may have by emailing us at info@shivasisters.com.